e-mails regarding the fine line

from my friend:

Tears of the evening.... I guess they're kind of building in both of us, and we've been slurping them back. I love your company ilana, perhaps too much. You're an amazing, vibrant, beautiful, and strong person. I see you as having a lot to impart as well as a lot to learn. As we started our true friendship, this is what made me excited about being around you. You're very different from companions of my past, breaking the mold soughta speak - one that i know needs to be broken. Your strength is the purity of your spirit. Honesty derived from a supportive family and a strong core. It's beautiful and refreshing for me to experience, and as equally hard to try and distance myself from. I would love more of those experiences like last weekend with you and I know there's room for many more. I am definitely at my best in beautiful places, they recharge my soul, and would look forward to sharing those moments with you. In order to do so, I think we have some figuring out to do.

from me:
You have such a great way of articulating things, and feelings, and just…stuff. I also love your company. I feel so comfortable with you, and we laugh a lot together and then can have a serious conversation about something in the next breath and then just not say anything at all for a long time. Your friendship has come to mean so much to me over the past few months. However somewhere in there I have let the line between true friendship and a glimpse of something else become blurred. But I take a lot of responsibility for it, because I am the one who has a boyfriend far away. I should be stronger and stand firmer. I should be thinking more about how my actions might harm the ones that I love. And for that I feel terrible. ... Like you were saying the other night, so much of a relationship is “this:” the being together and the looking at each other and the speaking closely. I don't want to encourgae you or give you the wrong ideas. And I think that’s why I cried last night.

I want to go to the mountains with you. And explore places I’ve never been. And spend time together like last weekend (it really was pretty perfect) But I also agree that we should do some figuring. Let’s lay it all out there and see where we are. I know we genuinely enjoy each other’s company, so let’s talk and just get on with enjoying it!

reply from him:
That was really nice - what you had to say, and what you feel. I'm right there with ya. So as we both agree that feelings are more apt to be shared than typed or jotted down, we'll share them together. And we are both good people, so we will not hurt anyone, and we will be the best of friends. It's a persons choice to make, have, and keep friends. I've always made the choice to be strong and keep a good friend, rather than be weak and lose them. Although I have not always had the same strength in return.

reply from me:
So yeah, I’m all about us chatting more. And “being best of friends.” I agree about hanging on and keeping good friends. You just have to do it when you find someone that is worth it. You can’t let good friends escape. So, no escaping.
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can friends, this close, and this willing to be friends work it out? i truly believe so. here's to true friendship. one that can transcend beyond the physical attraction that society seems to emphasize. to friendship that lasts, beyond all else, because you value each other.