maps

so i should, at some point, inform you of my great love of maps. i really do love them. one of my favorite things to do on any given lazy afternoon is to sit down with the road atlas and just look at it. follow roads through the mountains. imagine how the landscape might fold in a particular area. create an image of the beaches around an island in the middle of a lake. think about how the bright ball of fire might look, as you're driving into it, across a desolate highway. discovering all those places, that from a map can be anything you might imagine. i feel like an explorer looking at maps. maybe noone has been through this area, maybe it's filled with a great forest, maybe i'd see a moose just troddign along the road. maps make everythign so vast, so accesible, and yet so... for lack of a better phrse, mapped out. i have a brand-spanking new map of colorado to hang on my office wall. greg sent it to me. yay!

well, someone got a puppy

a friend called me at 3:30 on friday, asking if i could ditch out on work early...to ride with him 1.5 hours away to look at puppies. what girl doesn't want to go look at puppies? so i did. and he, of course, got one and came back with it. and i held it all the way home. she's an adorable smooth coated border collie. already loyal to him and even lets him know when she needs to pee.

but at the same time, damn, what a responsibility! but i guess the unconditional love of a puppy, really makes it all worth while. also it's a good thing for him. a good outlet for his own love. now if he would only choose a name for the adorbale little girl!

e-mails regarding the fine line

from my friend:

Tears of the evening.... I guess they're kind of building in both of us, and we've been slurping them back. I love your company ilana, perhaps too much. You're an amazing, vibrant, beautiful, and strong person. I see you as having a lot to impart as well as a lot to learn. As we started our true friendship, this is what made me excited about being around you. You're very different from companions of my past, breaking the mold soughta speak - one that i know needs to be broken. Your strength is the purity of your spirit. Honesty derived from a supportive family and a strong core. It's beautiful and refreshing for me to experience, and as equally hard to try and distance myself from. I would love more of those experiences like last weekend with you and I know there's room for many more. I am definitely at my best in beautiful places, they recharge my soul, and would look forward to sharing those moments with you. In order to do so, I think we have some figuring out to do.

from me:
You have such a great way of articulating things, and feelings, and just…stuff. I also love your company. I feel so comfortable with you, and we laugh a lot together and then can have a serious conversation about something in the next breath and then just not say anything at all for a long time. Your friendship has come to mean so much to me over the past few months. However somewhere in there I have let the line between true friendship and a glimpse of something else become blurred. But I take a lot of responsibility for it, because I am the one who has a boyfriend far away. I should be stronger and stand firmer. I should be thinking more about how my actions might harm the ones that I love. And for that I feel terrible. ... Like you were saying the other night, so much of a relationship is “this:” the being together and the looking at each other and the speaking closely. I don't want to encourgae you or give you the wrong ideas. And I think that’s why I cried last night.

I want to go to the mountains with you. And explore places I’ve never been. And spend time together like last weekend (it really was pretty perfect) But I also agree that we should do some figuring. Let’s lay it all out there and see where we are. I know we genuinely enjoy each other’s company, so let’s talk and just get on with enjoying it!

reply from him:
That was really nice - what you had to say, and what you feel. I'm right there with ya. So as we both agree that feelings are more apt to be shared than typed or jotted down, we'll share them together. And we are both good people, so we will not hurt anyone, and we will be the best of friends. It's a persons choice to make, have, and keep friends. I've always made the choice to be strong and keep a good friend, rather than be weak and lose them. Although I have not always had the same strength in return.

reply from me:
So yeah, I’m all about us chatting more. And “being best of friends.” I agree about hanging on and keeping good friends. You just have to do it when you find someone that is worth it. You can’t let good friends escape. So, no escaping.
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can friends, this close, and this willing to be friends work it out? i truly believe so. here's to true friendship. one that can transcend beyond the physical attraction that society seems to emphasize. to friendship that lasts, beyond all else, because you value each other.

if i were to get a dog, or when i'm 80

If I were to get a dog (of which there is a 1 in 32,915 chance that I would) I would get a Great Pyrenees or a New Foundland. But I wouldn’t have anywhere to put it and all my stuff would disappear under a layer of hair and slobber. Maybe when I move out to the country. With my lavender garden. And my green shingled house. And my purple bathtub with gold stars. When I am 80 and have long hair and many lovers.

Well, I think it’ll be a great life when I’m old. Perhaps you can come by every once in a while and can brush rosemary oil into my hair and give me haircuts. Though not above the shoulders. I’ll make you super nice salads with homemade dressings and goat cheese. (I forgot to mention I will also have a few goats.) And we’ll talk about the good ol’ days when kids listened to decent music like 50-cent and marilyn manson and they wore decent clothes like hip huggers and short tank tops and didn’t drink until they were old enough to drive. Yup. We’ll be pretty old then.

just another beautiful sunset...from march

time well spent.

so, I just had a great weekend. when i left work at 6pm on friday, people were still moving into our neww office, and I told them I was going camping and my boss told me I should have left earlier. so, i rushed home, threw my gear together and met my good friend Bryan at the grocery store parking lot, transferred my stuff to his car and we were off. We stopped at an outdoor concert up against the bookcliffs outside of town where we met up with 6 other folks. The concert was really fun and we were all dancing barefoot in the grass until 11pm. Then we were back in the car and drove south of here towards Gunnsion (we were supposed to meet up with Bryan’s friends for a rafting trip in central Colorado), finally at 1am we decided that was enough driving and we stopped to camp in a small canyon. our camp spot was right next to a creek and the stars were gorgeous. and we just laid there with our heads out of the tent, chatting and enjoying ht enight for almost an hour before falling asleep. when we got up early in the morning I realized I had camped there with my dad almost 10 years ago! we were out of camp by 7 and back on the road.

we got to the put in along the Arkansas River at 9, when we were supposed to meet. But folks were still straggling in, and by the time we ran the shuttle and got all the gear set up, we weren’t on the river until 11. Which was actually fine by me because it was finally warm by then. we ran Browns Canyon, a 12 mile stretch with class3-4 rapids but luckily it was running at only 1700 cfs, last week I guess it was at 3000 cfs. There were about 15 people in our group (only 3 of whom i'd met before), on 4 rubber rafts and 4 kayaks. For the most part they were all extreme boaters, so they put me (and Bryan) on a big rubber raft with this guy “Haus” who manned the huge raft all by himself. And we got to just sit there and chat and laugh and generally have a great time. It was so much FUN. The rapids weren’t too tough and nobody except one dog had to swim, and the sun was warm, and the company crazy but fun. I learned a ton about rafting and boating etiquette from just watching and listening. For example, most scary rapids are named things like Kevorkian’s rapid or Deatheater II; when you need to pee, you just drop the drawers and pee right into the river because it’s the high desert and you’re not supposed to pee on the sand; it is ok to start drinking at 10 am, drink all the way down the river, and keep drinking at camp until everyone goes to sleep. About the latter info there, I couldn’t believe people could drink that much! And no one acted drunk or anything. I guess if that’s what you do every weekend, you get pretty used to it. anyway, it was a fun trip.

After cooking up a ton of spaghetti we all played Frisbee and star gazed and (they) all exchanged crazy-extreme-boating stories and spent another beautiful night under the stars. (I have always wanted to hang out with extreme outdoors people because they fascinate me. But at the same time they intimidate me. After the first few hours they were all very friendly and when we left Sunday morning they all gave hugs and invited me to go out with them when ever again. Yay!)

Sunday morning Bryan and i took off on our own because folks were going to run another section of the river but weren’t going to be getting out until 6pm, meaning we wouldn’t get back home until after 10pm. So we drove through the mountains and after going over the continental divide we stopped for a hike up to an alpine lake. It was another beautiful day, and the spring had just set into the mountains. The first flowers were just popping up, and the streams were roaring the snow was melting like crazy. The lakes were gorgeous, though still had light blue ice floating in them. nothing like taking a nap, in the sun, on soft songy ground, in the middle of the mountians, with creeks gurgling and marmots squeaking. right before we hiked back down, we decided to take a quick dip. So, I almost died. It was so freaking cold!! I couldn’t make a noise for about 15 seconds after going under. But after running around the shore for a few minutes we air dried and warmed right up. Then we stopped for ice-cream in Aspen. (Which is such a strange place in and of itself) and we didn’t feel like we fit in, being all grubby and not wearing all black.

We were very sleepy on the ride home so had to listen to bad radio stations and sing along while driving into the hot sun towards Grand Junction. And I made it back to Fruita just in time to make sushi for Father’s Day and my sister made a cherry pie and that was the end of a great time.

(after re-reading this, i don't think i adequately expressed the happiness i had the whole trip, from the dancing, to stargazing, to rafting, to laughing, to hiking, ot just being with lovely people...my mouth hurt from smiling so much. there.)

oh, kids! we have to love them

i found this interesting website (bluebutterfly.org) yesterday when i was looking up, oh i can't even remember. anyway, it has good tips for making homes healthier for children, and i listed it at the bottom here. i think children are such an important part of life, and though i have yet to begun a family, i love them. two of my good friends are expecting in a month, which i think is super exciting, though extremely life changing. i remember when my (now 8 year old) brother was born. i was almost 17 at the time, and life became crazy around the house. and strangely quiet so early in the evenings, Mix 104.3 was off limits after 7pm. for teenagers, it was such a change, but we loved the little man. and of course, we still do. even better than a newborn!

he said the funniest thing to my mom. he was sitting in the garden just staring at a rose plant for 15 minutes. then my mom finally asked what he was doing. and he said "oh, just watching these two spiders. they are dating." my mom asked why he knew that. "oh, because they are holding hands, even their tiny little hands!" he said. kids are so funny, what they take in from the world, and then how they process those thoughts and then re-project them onto their surroundings. i hope my kids are just as cute as johnny. and smart and healthy and happy. a healthy environment is so important....

Blue Butterfly: Creating a Healthier Future for Children

What's a 100 mile diet?

wow, i found this to be a very interesting arcticle. and such a good idea at the same time. it's essentially the idea that you only eat food that comes from 100 miles from your home, thus eliminating the waste of resources getting the food from a farm to your plate. (like apples from new zealand...not that i've never had an apple form new zealand.) also things taste fresher and are much riper if they aren't from far away. and you are supporting more local farmers. yay! like the cherry orchard i was at this morning. our organization helped the landowners place a conservation easement on it, and we held a press release there today. damn, bing cherries sure taste great picked right off the tree!! i think i shoudl try this 100 mile diet thing. and what a better tiem to start, now. when the fruits are comming into season, the leafy greens are ready to eat and the farmer's markets are starting. first one tonight!
TIME: The Lure of the 100-Mile Diet -- Jun. 12, 2006

impromptu visits

there is nothing more exciting to me than having a friend randomly call me and say "i'm passing through the area, let's get together." and it's happened twice since i moved here!! my friend elizabeth from undergrad (it'd been 3 years) called in july and was taking a camping trip in the mountains. she came by with her boyfriend and we picked up right where we left off chatting and she ended up spending 2 days here. and then this morning i got a call from matt from grad school who was passing by on his way from san fran to dc. and we had lunch and great desserts goods from the bakery and chatted about all sorts of things. (the pic is of graduation, last time i saw matt before today.) yup, nothing better than an impromptu visit, especially when your friends are so awesome. so if you're in the area, give me a ring, stop by and we'll shoot the breeze. i love spontaneity!

love spanning the distance

so, an interesting question arose to me this weekend. can love span a distance, a really great distance? can my love grow so much that it actually reaches out and touches my guy who is 1973.9 miles (not that i'm counting) away? i sincerely believe that my love for him has exploded, it's grown exponentially, it's ginormous, just in the past couple months. it's gotten so big despite the fact that we only see each other every few months. the distance, i feel, has had no effect on my ever increasing love. when i think about him, my heart beats a little more heartily, when my microsoft outlook pops up an e-mail with his return address my hand reaches for the mouse, when i see his name on my cell phone i stop everything else and look forward to his sweet voice, and when i love him, i love him more and more.

i saw him this weekend. and while we were sitting at the edge of the river i found out that, well, apparently it's slightly different for him. he claims it's hard for his love to grow when we're so far apart. it tends to stay at the same level. i didn't understand so i cried. and my love keeps growing to try and span the distance between my heart and his.