god will be mad at you if you mock the mormons

So, Tuesday was Halloween and my last ceramics class. Which was great adn we did a Raku firing. I was out of there around 9:30 and on my way home when Bryan called. He was out and he told me to come out to the bar when I got home. So at 10pm I was on my bike headed all 3 blocks to the bar. Everyone was already standing outside (the bar had closed) in their Halloween costumes, quite raucous and crazy. Then we all rode our bikes to another bar and danced and sang to the juke box. Finally a Mullet-man (I have no idea who he was) announced that Brad and Joey’s (whoever they are) bonfire was ready.

So everyone was back on their bikes, cruising the 1 mile to their house. It must have been quite the scene, 20 semi-drunk people, on bikes, in costume, at 10:30pm cruising down Main St of a very small town. On our way one girl had a very slow-motion fall onto the curb, but she got right up and said she was fine. When we got to the bonfire we all stood around chatting. It was fun to meet a whole bunch of new people, though I don’t know how many I’ll recognize in the daylight, with no costumes.

About ½ hour after being there, right as I was thinking of riding home, the Mullet-man was talking madly into his cell then he turned to me and asked “are you sober?” I was. “Can you drive?” Yes. So I was led upstairs to the bathroom where the girl who had fallen was sitting, having had the cut in her knee cleaned out, with 10 drunk people looking on. It was a huge 2 inch gash, that definitely needed stitches. A guy gave me the keys to his truck and me and this girl, whom I’d never met, and her friend all got in the truck and I drove them to the Fruita emergency room…all 6 blocks away. (By the way, the ironic thing: the girls were dressed as Mormons on their mission who had gotten into a biking accident…with the black pants, white shirts, ties, backpacks, helmets and bikes plus the fake blood and fake scars.)

So we get there and the nurses had kind of a hard time figuring out what had happened, but they actually thought it was funny. And they called the doctor, who had to come in from another town. In the mean time, the Guy-who’s-truck-we’d-borrowed shows up, having removed his fake boobs, eyelashes, and most of his girly makeup and he’s just standing there cracking jokes. And finally the doctor arrives….he had long red hair in a ponytail, a mustache, old jeans, cowboy-boots, and a flannel shirt (but, no, he was not in costume). What a hoot. After looking at the girl’s knee he said “ooh, I can see your patella.” Lovely.

Meanwhile Guy-who’s-car-we-borrowed is taking pictures of this whole thing. Then, as the stitches commenced (7 internal, 8 external), in walked my friend Bryan and our friend Milan…they’d ridden their bikes over and somehow managed to bring my bike too. So there we are, 6 folks in the emergency room (all but two in costume), with three nurses who are laughing and a cowboy doctor. They guys were blowing up gloves on their heads and playing eye test games, and just thinking everything was so funny. At that point, 1am, I decided I was pretty much done with all that. And I rode my bike the less than one block home and had a great night’s sleep. Just way too short.

And that story is why:
1. you shouldn’t go out when you have no plans to stay out late
2. you shouldn’t dress as a Mormon on a mission in a bike wreck, god will be mad at you…especially this close to Utah (if you are Mormon, don’t be insulted, it’s totally meant in jest.)
3. you shouldn’t drink and ride